Materialistic, stupid, lazy, selfish wife! What to do?
Posted on February 24th, 2010 by admin
I’ve been married to my wife for 10 yrs. We have 2 teenage daughters and another baby on the way. I met her in college, I was attracted to her personality, she was a great woman. We both have excellent jobs, She’s a financial manager for a bank and I am a software engineer. 1st, we can’t agree on ANYTHING. Last year I didn’t want a new car, she wanted one. We argued so bad, she went out and purchased a $175,000 dollar Bentley Continental Flying Spur!! Even when I asked her not too!! Now she is in serious debt, she spends all her money on expensive clothes, shoes, etc and now I am in debt as well. We purchased a $400,000 dollar home in 2002…a home I NEVER wanted. We are going broke, she doesn’t understand it but we are. I want to put the home up for sale and move into an apartment or condo. She cried and broke down, she said she would absolutely NOT move out of the home even though we can’t afford it. I have been thinking about a divorce? What do you think? I can’t take this.
Let me finish up here, she has went into OUR joint bank account and took out $40,000 for a boob job/nose job/ other things that she DIDNT need. She never told me she was going to take it out!! She buys excessively even though I have put her on a budget and I am on a budget as well. She let’s our daughters run free with OUR credit cards even though I asked her to limit their spending as well. I am thinking ahead about the future, we can’t continue to live like this. Our whole future will be destroyed, she says all the time "it’s okay, we will make the $$ back" but it’s not about that, its about being smart and acting like you have common sense. She won’t have the bentley for very long because she has two other cars she’s paying for, they will get taken away. We have a baby on the way!! I’ve talked to her but it’s not going through her head. I think she is swindling money from her job as well!
Bootsontheroad-Pacific Western Bank in Beverly Hills, Cali.
I have threatened divorce but she told checked herself into the hospital =[
I want to try counseling as well, thx for the advice and she wasn’t always like this, i just want my wife back. i want us all to be happy again, we worked to hard to end up broke and financially screwed, she should understand this because this is her job! i think my wife may have a mental illness
thx everyone
Drastic measure demands drastic actions.
Before this gets out of hand, you may want to get as much as you can into your name to clear up your debts. If she gets a credit card, she will be only damaging her own credit at that point.
I would encourage you to either seek counseling and/or an attorney to see what your options are.
I’m so glad I’m not a materialistic and lazy person! My job is to help contribute to the household and do my fair share around the house. The bills and necessities come first. Then build up savings and when you have a little additional dollars, treat yourself. But this sounds very much excessive.
February 24th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Have you thought about counseling? I think you should have looked into that before the house thing.
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February 24th, 2010 at 11:52 am
YIKES…give her an ultimatum….the breakdown seems like crocodile tears to me!
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February 24th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
This is going to sound crass, but tell her if she doesn’t stop spending so much you will leave. See if that scares her enough into listing the house for sale.
If it doesn’t… Call a lawyer.
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February 24th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
She has a problem.
Talk to a lawyer on how best to protect yourself and your two daughters. Tell her to check into some debt counseling, or a divorce WILL be eminent.
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February 24th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Dude, in your title you called your wife stupid, lazy and selfish. Is she spending all this money to make herself feel better? If you talk about her like this on Yahoo, what do you say to her in private? Her spending may be the result of not being happy, man. Maybe you should both get counseling before throwing in the towel. Ten years is a long time to throw it all away.
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February 24th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Honey, finance problems is what started my "divorce ball" rolling. Big time. You cannot live like this. Is she in a mid-life crisis or something. Counseling is a must here! She has to compromise with you!
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February 24th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Oh boy…
I would ask her to go to counseling with you…with the point of the counseling ultimately being better communication…the smaller, more immediate goal is for you both to understand your financial situation.
Get a big white notepad (the ones that are like 2×3 feet) and write out all the bills owed per month and how much you each bring in each month to prove to her that you can’t make it.
On the next page write out the net worth of your bills so she can see it on paper – how much each credit card, car, etc. is up to right now.
If she won’t go to counseling with you, then threaten the divorce and see how she plays her cards I guess.
You have children, so in my opinion, you need to exhaust all your possibilities before choosing divorce. If in the end you decide on divorce, at least you can tell your kids you did everything you could to try to make it work with their mom.
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February 24th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I think you don’t need a marriage counselor, you need a financial planner who will sit down with you both and make you work out a budget. Anyone with a brain (who is not directly involved in this situation) can see what you can and can’t afford. If you both have retirement plans and college fund and insurance and savings, etc., then you have a good place to start negotiations about how to spend your money. If not, a financial planner will be the first person to tell you that even if your wife doesn’t want to acknowledge that fact. You can easily work out money problems if you both try and you get other opinions that convince BOTH of you what your true situation is. Divorce is a drastic solution to basically what are money problems. Your wife may be able to keep up her lifestyle and stick to the budget you both agree to if she gets a second job. You can relax after your normal working hours and let her earn some extra cash for some expensive stuff.
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February 24th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Drastic measure demands drastic actions.
Before this gets out of hand, you may want to get as much as you can into your name to clear up your debts. If she gets a credit card, she will be only damaging her own credit at that point.
I would encourage you to either seek counseling and/or an attorney to see what your options are.
I’m so glad I’m not a materialistic and lazy person! My job is to help contribute to the household and do my fair share around the house. The bills and necessities come first. Then build up savings and when you have a little additional dollars, treat yourself. But this sounds very much excessive.
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February 24th, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Which bank, I do not want to do business there. Anyone that can not handle their own finances sure as heck is not going to handle mine. Separate your finances now, do not put your name on anything you do not want. Put a stop on your credit reporting so every time any one looks it up for any reason it has to come through you. Prepare for the worst, as that probably will not happen.
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February 24th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
Counseling and DEFINITELY seperate bank accounts (preferably at a different bank than the one she works at).
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February 24th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
Financial manager to help everyone understand where your at, or It’s called Divorce tell her it’s her choice!
If she does nothing then it becomes your choice, but do it fast because if she’s like my mother she will take everyone around her down with her and tell them it’s their fault!
This woman put my father in dept to the point that he owed over a Million Dollars and my mother still tried to spend!
He finally divorced her and proved her addiction to "STUFF" and was allowed to go bank rupt without cause!
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February 24th, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I really don’t know what advice i can give you, i have never understood women that spend money like water.
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February 24th, 2010 at 4:46 pm
Focus on your marriage, sell the Bentley. Take her on a vacation , somewhere she won’t be able to spend a lot of money to interrupt this habit, somewhere exotic and cheap…take her to the jungle to see how indigenous people live, do something out there like go climb Everest and hang with the Sherpa , see a waterfall, show her that the real precious things in life do not cost $$…do something that will make her gain appreciation and a new perspective on life..most of all , throw love at this dispute….your soul mate connection should be the first priority here….
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February 24th, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Whoa! Your wife needs some serious therapy. It sounds like she’s trying to make herself feel better by buying things and spending money. Could be a shopping addiction.
If she won’t get help, then you need to protect yourself and your kids. First, get a separate bank account and start saving. Check with a financial planner and see what can be done with your money before you have to declare bankruptcy. Also, see a lawyer and find out your rights in a divorce situation.
If your wife can’t see where all this spending is leading, it’s going to be rough when you lose the house, cars, and credit cards through bankruptcy. YOU need to man-up and take control of this situation—she’s too far gone.
Good luck.
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February 24th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Get separate accounts and don’t buy anything with her. As far as her getting your daugters to limit their spending on the credit cards, that’s simple, cut them up.
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February 24th, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Yes, file for divorce and get those assets frozen. Get a seperate bank account, and meet with an attorney as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more in debt you will become. At least if you cut your losses now it won’t be as depressing as waiting until you lose it all.
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February 24th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
A counsellor, no access to any credit cards for her or your daughters, an ultimatum to her to start therapy for shopping addiction or she has to handle her situation alone, sell the house even if she cries, sell one or two cars even if she cries….no more talking and begging but ACTION!
It’s like having to deal with an alcoholic – it’s no use to argue and listen to promises. It’s the reality she has to face – by taking the consequences of her expensive way of living.
You have to be hard even if you feel bad about it but I think you have no choice. Try to act resolute and close your ears to whining. Be strong and consequent and take help from professionals in addictions. Good Luck!
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February 24th, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Been there,…..tried all that,….it doesn’t work.
……she has been my EX-WIFE for 15 happy and contented years now.
I am living happily, and frugally with a GREAT LADY.
We have 75% equity in our nice home we’re proud of, 2 decent vehicles,….one paid,… one with less owing than the residual value of the vehicle. Everything else WE "OWN" outright ,….with small amounts on credit cards, and no other debts. We like foreign travel and take trips ocasionally too. I am now contented……..and it feels GREAT.
STUFF,…won’t make you happy or contented,….it’s just THINGS.
GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION…..YOU CAN"T CHANGE HER,….she’s BLIND to herself and,… out of CONTROL.
Sign over everything to her, ……. and WALK.
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February 24th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
How can a Financial Manager not understand how to budget money? I work for an FI (financial institution) and the FM’s we have are the one’s who are all busy planning for their golden retirements and never spend money on anything!!!
She’s going to spend you both into bankruptcy, and with a depressed economy you’re both going to be screwed. You need to figure out when it’s high time to jump ship brother.
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February 24th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Honestly…i’d try the counseling thing…if she agrees…try..if not…u also have to think of urself and ur childrens future..she is being a really bad role model…if she wont change…what can you do except walk away? She definately sounds like she is going through a mid life crisis and or serious depression…spending, body alterations etc…i really wish you the best and hope it works itself out….good luck
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February 24th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
chill out she makes alot of money let her do what she wants. let her cruise in her bentley and live in her big house. shesh its her money too. if u dont like it than divorce her and trust me she will move on to someone who isnt so uptight. she works hard if she has the cash for abentley let her live
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February 24th, 2010 at 8:54 pm
She is R I D I C U L O U S! Please talk to her before you two end up divorced or in serious serious debt where you can’t get out, you dont want that. She is a financial manager and she doesnt understand this. I guess you are right, she has a mental illness. Get her some help and tell your daughters directly, NO MORE SPENDING good luck i feel bad for you
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February 24th, 2010 at 9:03 pm
OK, in my opinion, once you think of your wife as ". . .stupid, lazy, selfish" I’d pretty much say the rest is irrelevant. I really don’t think there is any love left flowing either way in your marriage from the way it sounds. I think so many people are actually torturing themselves by staying married when they obviously should NOT be together anymore. Your wife can’t respect you or your feelings now and you don’t love and respect her either or you wouldn’t be calling the women you were supposed to honor and cherish horrible, degrading names on the Internet! (even if she might deserve it?!) People need to realize that marriage is meant for people that are IN LOVE! It’s not meant to make people hate each other! Life is short~should we spend it in misery?
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February 24th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
Pretty cool story but it has a few holes in it. You met her in college? Have only been married 10 years but have two children over 13 years of age? Your wife is a financial manager for bank yet she does not understand finances? And most importantly you have a degree and still OPENLY accuse her of embezzling on an open website? I think you are joking around on the net to get reactions. Plus you state that she said you will make the money back and you don’t deny that. Right or wrong?
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February 24th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
Better hurry up quick and get advice from a divorce attorney, even if you file for legal separation to protect yourself from further debt. If you do nothing and allow her to continue her spending then you are enabling her to do so. After doing this take serious action to sell the home, cars and pay off the debts. Stop being a pushover or your wife will sooner or later drive you to bankruptcy. If she crys, let her cry, she needs to stop behaving like an irrisponsible child and more like a mature adult. She is also not showing the teenage girls a good example. Now she hooked you in further by getting pregnant and if you do not think it was intentionally you are wrong. Stand firm and take control of the situation the way a real man should. Good luck to you!
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February 24th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
I work in the field of mental health with a couple degrees in that area. While not everything you said makes sense, i.e. married 10 yrs, two daughters over 13?, and you gave the name of the bank after basically accusing your wife of embezzlement…there was something you said that caught my attention…"she hasn’t always been this way". Any history of mental illness in her family? Bipolar Disorder is one to look at. One of the characteristics being that people are grandiose and take excessive risks such as spending too much and thinking illogically…There doesn’t sound to be a lot of love left since you call her stupid, lazy, and selfish, but out of respect and decency, perhaps you should look at getting her a mental health intervention. Easiest way…tell her you want a divorce, she threatens suicide, you call police or mental health officer through sheriff dept and they evaluate what info you provide (include erratic spending habits) and she provides. If judge thinks she’s a danger to self or others they’ll do a 72 hr hold and meanwhile you will close all bank accounts, credit cards, and get a REALLY GOOD LAWYER. You are going to be paying for this for a long time but if she is sick, hopefully your kids will forgive you in time. Bipolar disorder is often triggered in 30s and can be triggered by hormone and stress changes. Check out internet resources on the disorder if what I’ve said comes anywhere close to home. Also you may wanna spend less time on the internet and more time getting a second job (deposit that money in a separate or trust account for your kids).
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February 24th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
wow, she sure likes to spend! i agree moneys great, but with me, i dont spend if i dont have to, my kids are happy the way i have brought them up. Id rather be out of debt, or in just a lil debt ( small home loan, car) and be happy, than go out and spend thousands, worrying and being unhappy. She needs help hun!
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